Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
