youre lurking in front of me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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