So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
