Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
