It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
