Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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