Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
