was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
