Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
