isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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