i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
