this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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