I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
