After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
