Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
