sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
