my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
