i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
