You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
