Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have post one night stand depression
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
