I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
