how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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