Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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