I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
