Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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