Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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