He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
