I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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