This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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