Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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