Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
