That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
