Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
