whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize