Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
