i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
