he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
