There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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