I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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