I wish I could teleport
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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