The maid of honor just puked.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
