16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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