this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
