Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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