the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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