well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
