found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
