Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
