how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
