I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
