By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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