Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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