did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I forget how to act sober
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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