Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
