go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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