Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
