so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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