he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
