I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
