i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
