Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
