Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
