Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
