I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
