I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
50% drunk capacity currently
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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