At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
